shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
