jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
