remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I want a musical about memes.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
