yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
