How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
