super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
