What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
