i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize
