He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
