Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i wish my penis had a tongue
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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