New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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