I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
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