Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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