he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
