New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
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I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
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Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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