The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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