summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
