Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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