In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
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the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
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our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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