I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
