I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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