what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Sorry about my life...
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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