i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
