I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
