Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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