dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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