If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
