dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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