Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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