I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I want a musical about memes.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
