I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize