I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
