i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Randomize
