8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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