fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
