did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
