I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
