Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
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I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
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