In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
