i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Randomize
