when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Randomize
