im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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