He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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