fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
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