my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
