his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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