So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
