i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
