I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Randomize
