guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
