I'm eating all of the evidence.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize