I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
