I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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