did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
