i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
