Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
