dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
