Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I think my moral compass just broke
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
