There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
