there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
