Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
This gyro tastes like lonliness
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What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
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just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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