he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
