Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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