I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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