wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
