I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize