i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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