Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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