1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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