Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
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