Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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