Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
