Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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