I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
