Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
