I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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