i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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