John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
