im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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