I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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