haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
high people should be assigned attendants
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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