OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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