Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
