My Higher Power is John Stamos
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
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