he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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