dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
