y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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